A Door

One definition of "DOOR"  is:  

any gateway marking an entrance or exit from one place or state to another.

I love that!

For the past week every time I turn around there is a message about a door.

A friend called me last week and in our conversation she said, " the Lord has a door for you that will be more than you ever expected."

David's Sunday School Class prayed for us last week and a message was given to us by one of his members.  She said she was at work and had been burdened for us and the Lord showed her, "a door that is going to open that is far better and more abundant than we ever expected.

David had lunch with his sister and she talked to David about "a door...that is better than we ever expected."

My aunt called me and shared that she had been burdened for me the past couple of months.  She told me that "God has great plans; more than I could ever expect or imagine.  That He wants to use my life in ways I never could even dream of.  There is a door of opportunity for you if you want it."

Then just this morning I was listening to K-Love ( a Christians radio station)  and Lisa one of the morning show hosts was talking about a "door" of opportunity for her and her family.  She had been praying  for God to shut doors that needed to be shut and open those that He wants her to go through."  She said that she sat and waited for an answer.  Then the Lord spoke to her heart and told her, "Lisa you have to walk towards the doors for me to be able to close or open them for you. "  Then she shared how we must step in faith and start walking and the Lord will continue to guide us to walk through the right one.

"I hear you Lord!  As David and I pray about these doors....lead us!

Thank you for Doors!"

R

My Babies Do Live

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.  Psalm 23:4

My cousin Cathy sent me some really great messages and a really sweet card when we lost “H”.  She has been praying for me and is one of the key people that the Lord has brought forward to help me on this journey.  My journey of seeking the Lord for some answers.  A journey that was encouraged by some great friends.  A journey that the Lord even has encouraged me to pursue.

 “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great as unsearchable things you do no t know.”  Jeremiah 33: 3

This is from Cathy’s devotion one day and it was so fitting for me so she sent it.  I had been asking that question again…why??? And why now…after all this time.  Why now???

Why, my Lord – dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents; face – it will not see the beauty of your creation or the flame of the sunrise, why, my Lord?

Why, My child—do you ask why?  Well, I will tell you why.

“You see the child lives.  Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before MY THRONE.  Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting beauty – he sees MY FACE.  He was created and lived a short time so that image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me.  He knows secret of heaven unknown to men on earth.  He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent posses.  MY WAYS are not the ways of man.  I created for MY KINGDOM and each creature fills a place in the Kingdom that could not be filled by another.  He was created for MY JOY and his parents’ merits.  He has never seen pain or sin.  He has never felt hunger or pain; I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long in Eternity.

• My babies do live….with Jesus!
• Our image is imprinted on our babies’ faces and stand before the Lord.
• They laugh with a special joy!
• They filled a place only they could fill.
• They were created for God’s  joy and his parents’ merits.

Merits- deserve; worth, value, excellence…something deserving, rewarded, praise…to deserve, benefit and honor.

We were deserving of this sweet baby and rewarded with her…but now that she is gone we have been honored and will benefit from her short life. 

My babies do live…

What's been going on????

Sorry I have been so silent.  I hadn't realize so much time has gone by since I've written.  a whole month!!!!  Obviously Ive been extremely busy with CHM events, Women's Ministries and family.


The Lord has opened so many doors for us and CHM.  I am so excited about all that He has in store as we open our hearts to share our journey since losing our babies.


We had our second annual "A Gathering to Remember".  What a great day we had.  This is a luncheon that we host for our Moms that we have minister to through CHM.  Our guest speaker was Alaina Hiatt with Tiny Purpose.  www.tinypurpose.org

Our CHM Board with Alaina

Our LAMBS..."Lost Angle Mommies Building Strength"

Our sweet Prayer Partners

Welcome

We've also had our 2nd annual Yard Sale...

                                                      Our First Customer...Emery's Mom

Christie and Maddie

I also got invited to join my friend, Pastor Darlene McCarty to be on her Mother's Day Special on TBN.  I was very excited about the opportunity but nervous at the same time.  We taped it last Friday...it will air this week Friday, May 11th @ 10:30 AM

And this week Cindy Sloan (CHM) and I have been invited to speak at a luncheon for another ministry that helps Women that are struggling with infertility.

In Women's Ministries we have been doing a series called "You're Daddy's Girl".  Peggy Nickels has put together this sweet series that helps us to know how much the Lord loves us and is with us at all minutes of the day.

And finally I've been busy with family stuff.  

I've been getting up qt 4:30 AM to go work out at the gym with my friend Torrie.  I have felt much better getting to work out every day.

David is busy with work of course but also enjoying leading the Young Adults and teaching his Sunday School class.

TJ and the little boys are winding down their year at school... so there are lots of things to deal with there.  

Christopher David has been playing T-Ball.

TJ has been working on his Human Video that the group won 1st place in at Fine Arts.  they get to go to nationals at the end of the summer.  We are so proud of him!

TJ also went  to Prom with his girlfriend Sandy...they were so cute.  The little boys thought they were getting married!  heehee

Jonah has been telling me how he's ready for kindergarten...so we'll be working this summer on some things to help prepare him.

And then there is Marie...she has finished the first part of her cosmetology school and starting this week she in "on the floor".    She is working on actual clients.  So proud of her!

So that's what's been going on at the Crosses for the past month....busy busy busy!!!

R

You Got Heaven Instead

               Samuel Cross 8/5/9                         

Baby Cross #2...4/12/97

Baby Cross #3...8/11/97                        Baby Cross #4...9/6/00


John David Cross 2/05/02           


Baby Cross #6...8/15/02

Baby Cross #7...11/26/02                      Baby Cross #8...1/9/03


Baby Cross #9...11/2/03                    Baby Cross #10...3/28/04

Baby Cross #11...1/23/05                   Baby Cross #12...6/21/05

"H" Cross 3/13/12


So some of you might notice that this count is 1 higher than I realized.  As I was reading through my journal I found Baby Cross #3 8/11/97.

Call to Me and I Will Answer

After "H" died I sent this email out and posted it on face book:

"Even though I am very confused to why this happened even after God answered so many of our prayers last week.  All I know is that I love HIM and TRUST HIM with all of my heart and that has to be enough for me right now.  Thank you so much for all of your prayers and love that has been sent our way.  It really means the world to us to have so many of you touching heaven on our behalf.  God is faithful...I said that 17 years ago and I still believe it today as we say "goodbye too soon " to another Baby Cross."  

March 13, 2012
From that post I received a sweet message from a friend who has been speaking into my life since John David.  I call her Sis Keffer.  She attended our church when we pastored Collierville First Assembly.  The Lord has used her so many times to touch my life through emails, letters, and messages on face book.  

She wrote:  "When I read your post I smiled because I remember when little John David went to Heaven and I questioned God why..."Why Lord?  They are a godly couple.  They have asked you for a child. Why did you do this?"

I am not exaggerating. I can remember exactly where I was when I prayed that.

I was sharply rebuked by the Holy Spirit and God spoke to my heart that life is HIS to give and take.

So I started researching to understand God.  I saw the same thing in what you just said about not knowing of understanding the why of it.  Search Him out Sis Cross. Search to understand HIS will and HIS ways.

I recently read something that C.S. Lewis wrote one time.  You have probably heard it also.  He said, "God whispers to us in our pleasure and shouts to us in our pain."  C.S. Lewis had a profound way of expressing the truth in written form.  But isn't that true?  It is when we suffer that we are the closest to God.  It is then that we hear HIM the loudest.

Hear HIM now and what He is trying to say to you.  Your little babies are well cared for.  As a mother, you have nothing to worry about.  They are in the arms of Jesus, close to HIM,  That is Biblical but God has you here on earth still for a purpose.

God cares about you or else He would not have touched the hearts of so many for you and Bro Cross.  He is working in your lives.  This was not accidental.  You can be sure He had a reason for allowing it.

A few days later the Lord sent me to Jeremiah 33:3

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and 

unsearchable things you do not know."

God is speaking to me and has me on this journey...there is a purpose.  So here I am Lord calling to you and waiting for those great and unsearchable things.

More Sweet Things in Honor of "H"

Saturday. March 31st CHM had our 2nd annual

"A Gathering to Remember"

Our special speaker was Alaina Hiatt 

from a ministry in Michigan called 

"Tiny Purpose"

This is a "Tiny Treasure" that they send to Mom's who have suffered a miscarriage.

I love my bracelet..its so pretty.

I also received this package from another ministry called "Angel Star Healing"

They send this Bible Study Book and a supply of resources for Moms who have lost a baby.

This is from my sweet Aunt Nina.

Hannah's Story

Not many people know the story about "our Hannah".  So I thought I need to share it with you as I begin a new journey.
It begins 17 years ago...after we lost our first baby I felt like it was a little boy.  I was way too early to know for sure but it was in my heart that he was.  The Lord led me to 1 Samuel 1, to the story of Hannah.  And as I read her beautiful life story...we named our son Samuel, after her son that the Lord blessed her with. 

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.  So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." 1 Samuel 1:27  

My notes 8/5/95

Now I know that Hannah son Samuel didn't die...he lived and she took him to the priest Eli.  This was how she handed him over to the Lord.  But as I read these verses I knew that I had prayed for this baby of mine and had to give him back to the Lord.  Our Samuel.

So I began to study Hannah's life...."in bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord."  I could so resonate with that...I was doing the same thing- lots of weeping and prayering.   As look back at my notes in my study Bible I scribbled them down from several different dates...the Lord kept drawing back to these scriptures.  

This is the devotion that goes with these verses

Hannah's Prayers

Waiting is one of the hardest things we do, especially when the year go by and we see no fulfillment of our dreams and hopes.  Its a goo d thing to learn to wait; we spend a large amount of our lives waiting.

Hannah learned what we need to learn- that it is God who makes life complete.  Oh we yearn for this and ache for that.  We concentrate on our need instead of on God.  

It is God who is enough.  "The Lord" Hannah says, " is a God who knows."  1 Samuel 2:3  

No wonder the scriptures says over and over; Wait for the Lord!  

Not for the thing you want, but for the Lord!

My notes:

• 1998- Still today after 3 1/2 years from my miscarriage still no baby!  You are a God who knows my heart.  Help me to wait not on a baby but on you!
• 11/28/98-still here
• 3/28/00-Will the Lord remember me today?
• 8/5/00-5 years to the date

Then at the very bottom my last note on this page....

Sept. 2, 2001 my prayer has been answered 6 years later.. 

Thank you Lord for being faithful to me!

(little did I know this was John David...who we will lose after 10 hours of life)

Through this devotion this is where I learned to not wait on a baby but wait on the Lord.

So back to Hannah...after studying her life I knew I wanted our little girls name to be Hannah...and her middle name would be Rose after my Mom.

I was teaching first grade back then at a Christian School and we would have prayer time each morning.  A year has passed since my first miscarriage.  One morning one of the teachers was praying for me...and she looked at me and said, "The Lord said He is going to send you your Hannah."  It caught me off guard and I asked, "What?"  And again she repeated, "The Lord said He is going to send you your Hannah."  I was stunned...and asked, "How did you know?".   She said, "know what?"...I replied, "That we are going to name our little girl Hannah?"  She had no idea...other than that is what the Lord told her to tell me.

I couldn't believe it!  My heart was so encouraged!!!!  The Lord has promised me my Hannah!

I bought this necklace about 15 years ago.

So now fast forward to Sept. 2, 2001...the last note in my Bible that I scribbled.  I'm expecting and excited to see if this was our little Hannah!  I had my ultrasound and we were told "It's A Girl!"  

Well, as most of you know...I didn't have a sweet little girl...she was a he...John David!

When John David died my focus switched to trying to live each day without falling apart.  I was consumed with my grief and our Hannah was not thought of for some time.

4 years later when I finally got pregnant again my heart was longing for a boy... Christopher David.  Then 19 months later my heart wanted Christopher David to have a brother...Jonah David.

Since having Jonah I've often wondered about that promise...the promise of Hannah...was it really going to come to past?  What did all of that mean 15 years ago??? 

So when I  found out I was expecting another blessing 2 months ago...the first thing out of David's mouth when I told him was, "Maybe this is Hannah!".  This pregnancy was such a surprise I thought...yes this must be Hannah.  The promise is coming to past.

When we told the boys that Mommy had a baby in her tummy, Jonah's first words were, "Mommy you have a girl baby in there."

So after David and Jonah's first thoughts my heart was believing this might just be her.  God promised her to me...and after all this time she's really going to be here.

Well, most of you know that after 3 weeks of doctor visits and a terrible weekend I lost the baby at 8 weeks along.  My heart was crushed. 

Of course I'm not 100% positive that I was carrying a little girl...but I call her "H".  She was a promise that did come to past after 17 years.  David and I are not planning on having anymore.  My heart is so overwhelmed when I think about losing "H".  I don't want my last one to be a loss.  

But this is the story behind Hannah...a beautiful story just like Hannah in the Bible.  Even though it's a story of loss it's also my story of a promise that God fulfilled.  And that's beautiful...God remembers those who love HIM.  And I do...